Creating Space…For Grief

It’s Monday morning and I’m at my desk. I’m “ready” to have a productive day. But honestly I’m SAD. Inexplicably so. My head is foggy, my mood is somber, and I’m just not in the right headspace to tackle the day ahead.

On Sunday Jan 26, the untimely death of Kobe and Gianna Bryant along with the 7 other victims of the helicopter crash shocked the world. Many are grieving in their own ways. To be completely honest, I’m affected by this more than I would’ve ever imagined. And I’m struggling to understand why. Not to suggest that it wasn’t incredibly tragic, but given my own lack of personal relationship, I’m heartbroken and stunned. In reality, I’m feeling a little guilty, as if I have no right to be so hurt by this tragedy when their families are struggling 1,000 times more. I then realize it’s not really about the why. Be it compassion, empathy, or personal familiarity with sudden death, the why is irrelevant. It’ how I feel. I’m stricken by the unmistakable feeling of grief. None of us are immune, and that’s what I want to explore today.

Feel How You Feel

Sometimes when difficult emotions arise, the automatic response is to “get rid of them” but who is that really helping? Trying to ignore, suppress or deny our feelings seldom leads to healing. The result instead is often unprocessed trauma rearing it’s head in ways that are seldom healthy. It can lead to strained relationships, lack of productivity, emotional distress and more. The reality is feelings are natural, and allowing yourself to feel them, sit with them, become curious about them and explore them is what leads to healing and healthy adaptation. You don’t need to judge, and you don’t need to know why, you just need to feel how you feel.

Find Activities That Nourish

Another healthy way to address feelings of grief and sadness is to find activities that support coping in healthy ways. This is going to vary for all of us, but we all need positive self care. Journaling, drawing, spending time with others, listening to music, exercising, or even volunteering can help provide opportunities to bring positive experiences forward that promote health and healing.

Have Faith, In Time

Grief and loss are unfortunately a part of life. It can feel unfair, unsettling, and unreal. But eventually the sadness can transition into acceptance and despair into hope. Coping in healthy ways allows us to feel all that life is. It’s common for the grieving process to feel different from one day to the next. And it’s Ok if what started out as a fairly even keeled day suddenly takes a turn in which feelings of sadness again emerge. This is the cycle of healing. Give yourself grace, and give yourself time.

For additional support please visit https://www.crisisnetwork.org/find-help/behavioral-health-conditions/grief-and-loss/