Creating Space…To Embrace a New Chapter

Creating Space …To Embrace a New Chapter

I am overwhelmed with appreciation. It’s the day after my birthday and I literally have tears streaming down my face. If I’m being completely honest, I was NOT looking forward to turning forty. Out of sheer vanity I literally just didn’t want to be “in my 40’s”. I’d gotten so comfortable being 30-something. Mature enough to be savvy, experienced and fly, yet still “youthful” enough to feel like the term “middle-aged” is debatable. But honestly, there’s nothing wrong with being middle-aged (obviously). It’s a pretty neutral term like young, old, purple, or blue. But I’m getting away from my original point. My point is that every time I reflect on my birthday, and how special it was, I tear up. I’m sitting here, tissue in hand, journal open, tears dotting the pages, blurring the letters just a bit. I pause every couple minutes and dab my eyes.

The house is quiet, and I’m able to just take the time and reflect. The playlist from yesterday’s birthday yoga flow is playing softly in my ears and I’m lost in my own world of reminiscing. The amount of thought and effort from my loved ones is overwhelming. There was so much celebration - from the impromptu Dave Chappelle comedy show with my best friend the night before, to the birthday yoga flow with 29 beautiful souls, to a family outing at Top Golf the night of, and a lot of amazing interaction and thoughtfulness from friends and family all over throughout the day. The celebration still continues, even in the days that have followed, so there is no question that I am loved. Like, deeply. So as I sit here with this journal, it is unthinkable that I would allow myself to focus on something as insignificant as a NUMBER, when what’s really significant is the fullness and the richness of the life that has developed as a result of 40 blessed years on this Earth.

You don’t get to be in this place that I’m in right now without having lived. You don’t get to build the kind of lifelong friendships and bonds with people that go out of their way to make you feel special, and to simply show up for you. You don’t know the depths of joy without experiencing a life that is interspersed with pain. Deep appreciation is often the result of having experienced disappointment, and knowing enough to know things can be, or have been, worse. So with that in mind, I cherish each day, see each day as a blessing, and know I am fortunate. The months and years that are behind me are the foundation for everything I am currently experiencing. So when the tears flow down my face, it’s 40 years with ups and downs that now have me feeling more alive than ever. There was once a time when I didn’t know if I would make it to 20. I allowed myself to be put into some really reckless situations. And here I am now, a day past 40, and I couldn’t be more grateful. ❤️

Namaste,

Tian