Creating Space…To Let Go

Creating Space … To Let Go

“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” Wayne W. Dyer

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

Man oh man, life has really given me some tough lessons on that quote above!! And I won’t pretend I’ve got it all figured out because I don’t, but as I learn to sit in silence with myself, and to be introspective I am learning so much more about how the ideas, habits and patterns that I’ve held onto so tightly, could really use a reality check. As committed, determined, and headstrong as I am, I’ve been learning the art of slowly letting go. And you should too. Here are a few arguments to consider.

Push Past The Hurt

There are times in our life when we feel someone has wronged us in some way, or we simply have had an experience that really “left a mark”. Often we feel like by simply moving on, we’ve also “let it go”. However, in reality if we find ourselves replaying the situation in our minds, repeatedly recounting the incident to others, or otherwise reliving the pain over and over again, what we are essentially doing is carving a deeply worn path in the synapses of our mind that causes us to bring back the suffering on demand. Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with learning from lessons of the past, but the key is to learn the lesson, then actively choose to let it go. If we choose to hang on and relive the pain, even if someone did do something painful to us, we place ourselves into the position of the victim. However, choosing this position can rob us of our power, and steal our joy. Regardless of the source of pain, regardless of who was at fault, we get to make the choice to learn the lesson, and move forward, head held high.

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Glory Days, Be Gone

Often times, moving on from past pain is fairly intuitive, at least in principle, even if not always in practice, but what about moving on from past positive experiences? I mean what’s really the harm in reminiscing about better days? Have you ever gotten together with friends and recounted all the crazy days of high school, or silly college pranks? Or awesome trips that bring a smile to your face? Yeah, most of us have, and that’s not exactly the type of reminiscing I’m talking about. Those are moments of reflection, reliving nostalgia, bonding with friends. The type of reminiscing I’m referring to can be a bit more sneaky, like a covert agent. I’m talking about ruminating about days when we were more athletic, “didn’t have a care in the world”, or maybe a relationship that has dissolved or maybe just changed in a certain way. As we sit and think about it, we actively recall all the good times, but rather than with appreciation, there’s a sense of envy, sadness, or longing. Longing for something that is now in the past. A circumstance that, for whatever reason, has now changed. Similar to moving past painful events, even pleasant events have a certain role to play. And as disappointing as the reality may be, they are now the past. Mourning over them can sometimes do more harm than good. One reason is, as we look back on the past, we miss the opportunity to find gratitude in our present space. If we are constantly looking in the rear view mirror, how can we clearly see the path in front of us? One of the toughest things can be to simply thank the better days for what they were, then turn the page and begin writing the new chapter, focused on the present day, but it’s exactly what we have to do. Often times our perception of the past is shaped by the memories we choose to consciously hold on to. Why not make some new memories by focusing on all that is going well today, or even use lessons learned to strategize for the future? There’s so much more to be gained by moving forward than staring backward.

Accept The Things We Cannot Change

Sometimes it’s not about past pain or past joy, but rather expectations that we can hang tightly to. We have a certain scenario in our head and when the other role players in our life don’t fulfill their part the way we envision.,,, yeah sometimes all hell breaks loose, even if only within. It can cause us to feel anger, sadness, and disappointment . For example, maybe you and your partner take a trip to the beach. In your mind you envision romantic walks and candlelit dinners. Instead, your partner has jet skiing and beach volleyball on the brain. This is NOT the scene you created. And suddenly all your hopes are dashed, you find yourself in a mood, and the vacation isn’t off to the romantic start you imagined. Sure, there’s something to be said for expressing your own wishes. Go for it, but at the same time realize that many things (especially when other people are involved) can easily play out differently than the script in your head, and still be enjoyable. Sometimes it’s a scenario that feels more critical, like how to care for the kids, clean the house, or complete a group project at work. Being open, releasing some of the expectations creates space for life to unfold in ways that can be surprisingly delightful. If nothing else, you won’t constantly find yourself swimming against the tide. So give it a try. Release the death grip just a bit. Be open to letting things play out in a way that isn’t as scripted as your prefabricated vision demands. See what new experiences life may offer. Even if that experience is just a little peace. I mean, one night of the kids eating ramen isn’t the worst thing in the world, right?

Namaste,

Tian