Creating Space… To Overcome Comparison Culture

Let’s continue our conversation from last week. Let’s take a moment and get really real for a minute. How many times have you sat down, with no particular objective in mind, casually opened your phone, scrolled through your social media feed, and suddenly felt a sense of defeat or despair? Maybe not each time - I know there is plenty of good there, but can you recall at least once? I know I can. I can recall feeling like I was missing out on something. What? I don’t know. But everyone else seemed to be having so much more fun, traveling, hanging out, doing all these interesting things, yet I was sitting at home, holding my phone, and scowling. What gives?

Take Stock

We’ve long accepted that the images portrayed by the media, have had a way of distorting our reality, yet the social media era has seemed to amplify the impact of this distortion one thousand fold. Now, suddenly we have a peek into nearly everyone’s window who chooses to share openly in this digital space. Celebrities, public figures, people we haven’t seen since kindergarten, it’s all out there for consumption. Time recently published a study on the effects of social media on young adults. I won’t go too deep into the findings, but as expected, there were direct correlations between the usage, both amount of time, and number of platforms, and negative effects on mental health. Don’t get me wrong, there WERE positive elements such as self-expression and community, but the risks can’t be ignored. I am in no way suggesting we should all delete each of our accounts tonight. I’m simply saying that if you THINK it’s completely harmless, you’re either in a very small minority, or not being honest with yourself. So, how do we enjoy social media without letting it drag us down? I’m sure you can share a dozen more tips than what I will lay out, but here are my top few. The first is to take note of what is showing up in your feed. Are the people you engage with sharing images and messages that serve you in a positive way, or do they tend to have the opposite effect? Do you find yourself hyper-criticizing yourself or simply not enjoying the type of content they share? Do yourself a favor and unfollow/unfriend them. Second question, how often are you on social media, and for what purpose? If you lose hours each day simply scrolling a feed, mindlessly ingesting EVERYTHING that’s put in front of you, a more mindful approach is likely in order. How else could you use that time to fuel your spirit?

Embrace Your Own Unique Gifts

Comparing yourself to others, whether in the digital world or real life seldom serves a positive purpose. Well, maybe a little healthy competition is good, but when I think of healthy competition, I think of an objective observation. I’m not convinced the negative self-talk that goes on when social scrolling takes a bad turn is in any way objective. The reality is that you will never know that other person’s complete story, journey, or personal challenges, but you do know the unique gifts that you possess. Turning your attention toward the things that make you unique and special will go a lot further than fantasizing about someone else’s “gifts”. Going back to our conversation from last week - what is the story that you are telling yourself about what you are seeing? Are you speaking to yourself in a positive and reassuring way, or rather criticizing yourself for not having the trendiest clothes, the six-pack, or the perfect smoky eye?

Find Inspiration

Sometimes social media has a way of reminding us of goals, interests, or hobbies that we’ve since forgotten about. As a yoga instructor it can be tough to see my feed overflowing with incredibly beautiful back-bendy poses and one-arm handstands. Just to be clear, I’m pretty sure you’ll never find a one-arm handstand on my feed, lol. At any rate, I’ve learned to instead be inspired by the patience, persistence, and practice that has more than likely allowed for that pose. I’ve become more curious about my own anatomy, and which poses come easily vs which ones will require time, and instead of feeling defeated I feel excited about the journey. I’m not perfect, and I do sometimes wonder why the hell my selfies never look so crisp, but more often than not, I’m inspired.

“Be so busy creating your own “happy” that you have no time to worry that someone else has more “happy” than you. (Especially since that really isn’t a thing anyway)”

— Tian Philson

So how else might this apply? Let’s say you’ve always been a talented writer and you see beautifully inspiring memes posted online. Why not take it as an opportunity to dust off your own notebook and reignite your own passion? Or maybe you’ve always been into fashion and follow a ton of fashion bloggers, how can this inspire you to hone your own skills, maybe style a friend or two, and even make a little money on the side? The possibilities really are endless, and if we can move from a space of self-criticism, to a space of self-appreciation we can overcome the negative aspects of social media, and embrace it for all the beauty it actually can possess.

What are your tips for consuming social media in healthy ways? What changes have you made to make it more inspiring? I am excited to hear from you!*

Namaste,

Tian