This Year I Gave Myself A Special Gift For My Birthday: TRUST

“What if I gave myself 90 days to find a new job, or simply take the leap altogether?” My subconscious whispered to me in a voice I could have only noticed during a moment of stillness. I was sitting in my meditation. It was late March. Ironically I’d also had a fleeting thought 2-3 days prior. “What if you were in a new job by your birthday?” I sat there, in my meditation slightly stunned - 90 days lined up almost to the day exactly, with my birthday. This epiphany is so clear, it cannot, it will not, be ignored. The time had come - I needed to make a shift, and I need to trust that what was on the other side of that shift was exactly what I needed. It’s not that I didn’t like my job, but that I felt my life, my calling, my desire to serve a greater purpose, was moving me in a new direction. For nearly 20 years, my career choices were fueled by one primary goal - ensure financial security for my family. Over time, my world was starting to look different. I could make a new choice, not based on what I needed to provide, but based on what my soul craved instead. In that moment it was almost fully decided - for my birthday I was choosing Trust: Trust in my journey, Trust in God, Trust in my Inner Knowing.

How I Got Here

“What would your life feel like if you weren’t so overwhelmed?” Bullseye. Tears of truth stung behind my eyes as this question from my therapist landed hard. “I don’t even know what that feels like.” Was all that I could respond with. As I look back over the last 20+ years of my life, all I could recall is grinding, pushing, surviving. My choices weren’t fueled by passion, but rather responsibility, love for my family, and commitment to provide. Overwhelm just felt like part of that equation. So I left that session with an assignment. Take some time to visualize what my ideal working environment looked like - what did I want to do, how, where, what type of salary or income. This was back in February - but as I fast-forward back to March, I see the role that this assignment played in helping me get here. It gave me clarity, and it planted some of the more current seeds - I get to define my future as it relates to my entrepreneurial endeavors and my professional goals. Consumer Research, Wellness, and Creativity. In a nutshell this is what I’d come up with in that visualization assignment the month prior. What was more shocking was how consistent the work I wanted to do in my professional life, overlapped with what I was already working on in my entrepreneurial life. Focusing on people, being deeply curious, supporting well-being, and expressing myself creatively - the paths were blending into something very interwoven. The day after I’d had my “90 day epiphany” I sat down with my husband and read him my journal entry from that day. The personal challenge I wanted to assign to myself. His nod of support, and his words - “Hell yes - you should be betting on yourself. I believe in you fully. I’ve just been waiting for you to get here.” While his response didn’t surprise me - he’s played the BIGGEST supporting role in my pursuit of passion these past 6 years - that was everything that I needed to seal the deal. Add to that the encouragement and support I received from my children, and I knew there was no looking back. What I won’t articulate today, but I will in a future post are all the tiny moments of reassurance, all the tiny seeds planted and sowed over the past few years that helped me understand this was 100% the right choice. But at this moment, I knew something big was coming. A major shift. I could feel it - not in my heart, not in my mind, but deep in my gut. Fast forward to the end of that 90 day period, and I have even more clarity. I am still deeply curious, about people and what drives them, and perhaps I see a future in consumer research, but I also get to connect with, and dive deep with curiosity in my life coaching. Focusing on well-being is fueled by what I do in life coaching as well as in my yoga teaching. Expression and creativity comes about in teaching yoga and in what my husband and I deliver through our Custom Kreations 513 business. For now, I’ll spend some time here, and see what else the Universe has in store. For the first time ever I am asking myself - “What is it that you WANT to be doing? How do you want to serve the world? What fuels your spirit?”. I’m excited for how this journey will unfold.

The Point Of It All

The point for me is this. There is something deep inside of us that knows the way forward. We make the choices we make based on timing, and based on circumstances, but even then we make them from a place of inner knowing. Sometimes we are not ready to face the fear that comes with uncertainty, but the voice will live inside of us until we work up the courage to revisit the conversation. Certainly I thought about taking major leaps several times over the course of my career, but something inside me - fear, prudence, doubt, patience … something whispered “not yet”. What’s important for me is to notice when the gut says “yes! now is the time”. There was 100% a time when the idea of facing an uncertain future did NOT feel like freedom - it felt terrifying. The question to ask is “why?” and then to listen to the answer. What needs to be true, what moves that “not yet” to “soon” to “now”. Building trust comes from listening to that voice within us that knows the way, and guides us to take one tiny step forward, and then another. No matter what the circumstance. It could be taking up a hobby you are passionate about, going back to school, moving to a new city, or re-uniting with an estranged friend or relative. If the answer isn’t a resounding yes from within, try and listen to what IS there, what IS clear? It will guide you along the right path, until ultimately everything just feels undeniably clear.

I shared this from my last post on detachment: Focus your attention, set the intention, take action, then detach from outcome and let the Universe do the rest.

Still rings true, if you ask me.

Trust Your Inner Knowing.

Namaste.