I was going back through a recent journal entry and stumbled upon the following. 

Today I woke up with gratitude, and by 10:30 am I had 3 of the most significant connections I could have asked for. They were each different, and to some extent unexpected, but they filled me up and set the tone for my entire day. 

During that day, and in one of those interactions, a good friend said to me “my life wouldn’t be fulfilling if I didn’t have connections.” That statement rang so true for me that I quoted it in my journal entry. I mean it really resonated with me on so many levels that I found myself pondering the concept at various times in the weeks that followed. What is it about connecting with others that creates fulfillment? While I think the extent to which people thrive off of connections can vary from one individual to the next, I do believe we all need genuine, meaningful connections. 

Connection is a basic human need

I started thinking back over concepts I’d heard, or articles I’d read and the importance of human connection was repeatedly reaffirmed. In one article, it was stated that face to face connections actually stimulate neurotransmitters and cause a release of hormones like oxytocin and dopamine providing a boost in the human psyche during that time. 

In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the need for Love and Belonging sits in the center of the pyramid. Once Physiological needs of food, shelter, etc, and then Safety needs of personal security, employment and so on are met, comes the need for Love and Belonging. According to Maslow, it even preceded the need for personal Esteem: respect, self-esteem, status. 

Think about the role of clubs and organizations, interest groups, sports teams, you name it. They all fuel a sense of shared interest, of belonging, of connection. When these needs are unmet, the impact of feeling isolated and disconnected can be quite detrimental.  So the real question is, how do we create more connection?

Create the space to Reconnect

Here are a few more ways to invite more connection:

1) Evaluate your network

I have learned that connections will always be important to me, but that I can’t rely on a single source of support for those connections. Not my relationship, not my children, or even my best friends can be expected to be my only source of connection, no matter how important they are, it’s just not realistic, and can put a lot of pressure on that particular relationship. Chances are you have many connections across life experiences: home, extended family, organizations, work, and beyond. Nurture and value those and don’t expect it to all come from one place. 

2) Be intentional about making contact with friends & family

It’s true that life gets busy, and it’s easy to lose contact with people you care about. But being intentional about creating that time, even creating small moments for interaction can change entire dynamics of relationships. Consider setting aside commute time, or a designated window of time each day or week to reach out to friends or family that you might otherwise go long stretches without communicating with. During those times technology can aid connections by allowing for video chatting when face to face isn’t feasible.

3) Practice RAOK

Have you personally experienced a Random Act of Kindness moment - you know, like when the car ahead of you in the drive-thru line pays for your meal, for no reason at all, just simply to be kind? If you were on the receiving end, more than likely it inspired you to then pay it forward and extend a kindness to someone else. And hopefully that positive chain of events continued. While those interactions may be less personal, I believe they are no less profound, and go a long way in creating a sense of community connection. Give it a try one day. It not only has a powerful impact on the person receiving the kind act. It creates a positive boost for the giver. And even if for just a single point in time, there is this meaningful moment of shared human experience that resonates.

I’ve known for a very long time that I value deep and genuine connection with others. I didn’t know how to name it, I didn’t now how to create it, and I certainly didn’t always know how to nurture it. But, I am learning more every day, and every day I am finding more fulfillment. For me, I am fulfilled when I am able to connect with individuals who also value connecting with me, but I am even more fulfilled when I can nurture a sense of belonging for others.  We can all use a little more genuine connection, how will you create more?

Namaste,

Tian